2012 – Health Issues & Finding Strength

Hey everyone!! Or anyone who might be reading this bloggie~ eheh.. Hmm.. just wanna do a little review of last year~ honestly, i think no one cares, but i just wanna write it down somewhere so i can look back and see how far i’ve come~ people tend to see how far they are from their dreams, but often forgot to see how far they’ve come from the time they started out working towards their dreams~

What’s my dream? Aha.. i’ll talk about that in my next post~ truthfully, i’ve never literally dreamed about having my own shop. But i do have some goals in life~ Goals that i hope will keep me from tipping off the edge.. So far, they’ve been rather helpful.. especially since i was terribly down and suicidal last year.. 3 breakdowns.. that’s quite a number.. i don’t remember breaking down so many times the year before.. and no, by breakdown, i don’t mean just breakdown and cry thingy~ To me, breaking down, means stepping on the edge, feeling far too tempted to end everything, far too tired to continue living~ too tempting to jump off, too tempting to grab that shiny blade~ often, i’d punch the wall, the floor, anything hard, just to distract myself from the pain inside~ it helps a little..

but of course i don’t recommend punching walls/floor etc to anyone!! my doc asked me to punch pillows.. but personally, i’d rather punch floor/wall and hurt my knuckles, then punch pillow and risk hurting my wrists.. Yes, i’ve aaaaaaaaaalways wish to have my own punching bag~ Alas, i don’t think my ceiling can hold the weight of one.. Oo”~ if you’re living in Singapore, in the lower and middle income range, i’d suggest you talk to your psychiatrist/psychologist/counselor.. i know a lot of people assumed, if they have mental problems, they HAVE TO go to IMH.. well, FYI, it is NOT necessary. You can, like me, go polyclinic and request to get psychology/psychiatric help at SGH or TTSH etc.. I personally can’t bring myself to seek help at IMH, thanks to the social stigma people already stamped on the hospital.. -_- so, if you’re like me, afraid of the stigma, afraid to feel too much, try getting referral to other hospitals~

if you’re at the lower income, tell them where you stand.. i managed to get free counseling sessions for about 2 years i think.. stopped because i can’t continue talking to someone who “rejects” me when i shamelessly told her “i have no one and no where else to confide in with someone other than within this little room“.. oh well.. can’t expect much since i’m getting FREE counseling session.. she’s probably moody after just giving birth.. i stopped going for counseling, ’cause i know from then on, i can never bring myself to confide in counselors anymore~ but hey, everyone is different! i might just be a lil unlucky~ try getting counselor.. cause really, despite the not nice ending, i never regretted seeking help with Family Service Centre~ i learnt a lot during those 2 years~ a lot a lot a lot~ so much about myself and the people around me.. it’s mentally exhausting sometimes.. but it was enlightening and definitely worth the efforts~ i learnt to be stronger.. more emotionally¬†independent.. i learnt what i want.. what i need.. what i must learn to live without.. why i hate some things.. why some things upsets me.. why some things scare me.. and when you’ve learnt the reasons behind all the whys, you’ll then be able to work on a solution to solve the problems.. ūüėČ

Oh, i also heard you can use your medisave to help with the specialists if you’re getting psychiatric treatments.. just ask your specialist for the form.. am not using my medisave at the moment because when i tried to pay using it, the cashier went on a long tirade “aiya, subsidise a big only lah, a few dollars only, not worth it lah, no need lah ahr, i tear har, i tear ya, i tear this form ok, no need lah, a few dollars only…” i personally wonder how that lady got hired.. to work in a Psychological Medicine Clinic!!!¬†if i weren’t feeling too tired that day, i might just ask to see her supervisor.. -_- a few dollar ONLYONLY she said.. to a paying patient in the¬†Psychological Medicine Clinic asking for help with the medical bills.. wow~ but STILL!!! You know~ if you have a job that contributes to your medisave, you can try paying your specialist using it i guess.. after that biatch, i don’t feel like using mine.. afterall am no longer an employee that gets her cpf topped up every month.. so i’ll just use my own earnings from my stall.. maybe medisave money can use in future if there’s a real need… if it can be used…

jan 25 in hospital2012 had been a very very exhausting year.. thanks to my neighbor smoking his cig at our shared doorstep daily,¬†asthma¬†decides to make a comeback (after 12yrs break) in January~ and with a vengence.. i still recalled how scared-for-my-life i was when i was on my way to the hospital.. for some reason, i chose to take the train rather than the cab.. by the time i reached the counter to register, i could barely breath~ but of course.. i had to wait for my turn.. good thing there wasn’t too many people at ER since it’s the 3rd day of lunar new year.. i couldn’t stand on my own and had to be wheeled around.. i had to overnight there (good thing they gave me a bed) and breath the.. i can’t recalled what was it called.. basically breath the med every few hour.. i was SOOO bored i took a pix of myself~ Lolz!! XD looking back at this pix.. i miss my long hair!! T_T

Not long after that episode (March).. i’m not sure what exactly happened but i almost passed out in the train. On my way to visit my usual psychiatrist, i slowly started to break into cold sweat.. then my ears start to ring, and felt like it’s being crushed on the inside.. had to pull off my earphones.. and i started to worry when i found out for the first time what people mean when they say they see spots in their vision~ @_@ it’s like my vision.. seem to fade in and out.. i was scared as hell.. managed to find an empty seat.. took a moment to gather my bearings.. and continue to my appointment.. i don’t know why, but i forced myself to head up to my doc rather than go straight to the ER or general clinic for help.. i was a little tempted but when i was on my way, none of the nurses around me seem to care i seem breathless.. even the nurses in the lift don’t give a damn i was sweating and heaving~ people in the train also didn’t care.. i felt so crappy, i chose my psychologist instead.. then i went home.. and.. just my luck.. people at home didn’t feel like caring at all that day.. went to polyclinic the next day to get a generic blood test done.. broke down for the first time that year on returning home that day.. Reason i survived? I don’t wanna hurt my friend.. she believes in me.. and she’s had enough bad news already.. i don’t want to be another bad news.. she’s a wonderful friend. i don’t want her to hurt.. her sensitive nature, gave me strength~

i later found out from the blood tests that i have¬†hyperthyroidism¬†and¬†slight anemia.. well, that most certainly explains why i keep sweating buckets of water just from walking.. and why i keep getting docs saying my heart rate’s too fast.. if Sinli hadn’t encouraged me to take a blood test, i wonder how bad my condition might get.. Thank you, Sinli!! already by then, my thyroid count was slightly over 3 times the maximum safe amount.. yes.. 3 times.. i was shocked as hell.. because of that, i had to take camazole and iron tabs on top of my fluoxetine… hnnnn…..

when you’re used to walking fast.. having to walk like an old woman.. not having strength in your legs to climb small steps at the stairs.. sweating and heart beating like i just ran a marathon even when i covered a few meters.. all this.. can be quite depressing to say the least.. i haaaateeeee moving slowly!!! yes, i can never live at countryside.. maybe a little too used to busy city life..

hyperthyroidism weight lossso, i diligently took my meds!! eat my prozac so i don’t get too depressed.. eat the carbimazole so my heart can stop beating like crazy.. eat the iron tabs (yummy choc scented) to recover my appetite and feel less light headed.. if there’s one thing to be thankful for.. i actually lost 7kg due to hyperthyroidism!! lolz!!

but it was short lived of course.. i gained back (almost to) my usual weight now that my thyroid’s almost back to normal.. i find my arms.. errr.. seemingly a bit muscular.. sometimes i wonder.. i do sit-ups, squats, and weights since i can’t run.. did i end up gaining some weight in muscles? O_O” maybe i shouldn’t lift too much weights.. fats + bigger muscles = nightmare for my shoulders.. and since they’re ramping up the rent at Vivo again this year.. i might end up postponing treatments for this shoulders for a while more.. also, i dropped a loooooooooooot of hair.. so much, i was considering going to some trichologist for treatment, but decides to save money and asked the doctors at National Skin Clinic first.. turns out hyperthyroidism plus asthma attacks had caused the hair falls.. it’s starting to fall less, almost normal now that my thyroid and asthma seems more stable..

Eating my prozac daily also meant i feel less down.. when meant my mood can be quite good.. and so when Fa is happy.. someone at home gets upset and annoyed that i am happy. Funny hey? but that’s my life~ perhaps he’s used to me being depressed or quiet.. and not to mentioned all the stress at work.. i broke down the night he asked, “have you eaten your medicine?”. Why? Why was i shot that question when i was laughing while watching a comedy?! I mean.. feel free to shoot me THAT QUESTION if i’m laughing while watching some¬†psychopath¬†show.. but what is wrong with me being happy and laughing while watching a COMEDY?! i shot him back saying, i’m laughing BECAUSE I ATE MY MEDICINE!!!! I SHALL EAT LESS SINCE I SEEM TO BE PISSING YOU OFF BY BEING HAPPY!!!

That night, i punched the wall and hurt my knuckles.. and once again wonder how did those actors on tv portray guys punching till their knuckles bleed and act like it’s no biggie~ i only bruised my knuckles and it’s enough to hinder my finger movement for over a week!! it’s freaking annoying!! i wasn’t even halfway through 2012..

The final time i felt suicidal in 2012 was some time between Nov-Dec.. what’s interesting about it is that.. i have NO records of what happened.. the only clue i had was a status i managed to post on fb and this super cute animation my friend shared~ Super cute song that, i’m so glad i didn’t attempt any of the Dumb Ways To Die~ Lolz!!

This vid reminds me of The Book of Bunny Suicides~ funny, cute.. and dunno why, makes me not suicidal~ lolz!!

i didn’t talk to anyone about that breakdown at all apparently.. not sure who or what caused the break down.. i only remember feeling alone, like i had no one to talk to.. i think i clamped myself up totally then.. though i still remember the pain from punching the floor.. why? Cause i struggled like crazy over 3 weeks DURING BUSY X’MAS SEASON trying to use the pliers to make the necklace’s chains and cords… maybe because of the pressure from the earlier part of the year.. and not having much support.. i was tired as hell catching up with restocking my goods for the Christmas season.. imagine my horror when i later found out there was another social flea market going on at the main aisle at Vivo~ sales was terrrible last christmas.. and our management decided to double our rent in November and more than tripled our rent for December~ Wheeee~ ..|.,

But hey! one must learn to find strength and learn to appreciate one’s own efforts.. When you have depression, you’ll tend to keep thinking about how much you’ve suffered.. how much hell you’ve been through.. and depression tend to worsen when you’re down with so many sickness.. having to take so many blood tests.. having to rush closing windows and blasting fans when neighbor smokes.. having no strength to move.. seeing hair keep dropping dropping dropping.. not being able to eat prozac daily cause someone at home feels that i shouldn’t be too happy.. i have to find other ways to be strong!

we all have different ways of finding strength.. and there’s physical strength and mental strength. anger and frustration helped me¬†gain physical strength to combat hyperthyroidism.. i hate being weak physically. i hate not being able to walk fast and climb stairs.. so i forced myself to do some cardio workouts.. i know to not over exert, cause failure will only make me feel worse or give up. so i don’t aim so high~ i started out by doing dance aerobics!! XD i know i can’t jog or brisk walk with asthma.. so i need to start as light as possible. what better way than to have fun and exercise at the same time? ūüėÄ so i did a few dance aerobics¬†and funny chair exercise (suitable for old folks) on my own at home~ it’s funny, easy, light and best of all – i had fun laughing at myself~ it cheers me up! ūüėČ as i gained more energy (after a week), i do more leg exercises to gain back strength in my thighs (damn hyperthyroidism).

Notice most of the links is exercise vids by Paul Eugene? eheh.. don’t mind me.. look for your own videos.. i like to follow him last time cause he’s funny~ ^^” i love lifting¬†weights most!! (more here) but of course, due to my wrists and shoulders, i don’t carry too heavy a weight~ bought a pair of plastic waterbottle dumbbells from Daiso~ =D if it’s just water inside, it’s light, good for a start.. over time, i add reject glass tiles into the bottles to increase the weight~ lolz!! XD but if you have sore tendons like me, PLEASE take care to not get too immersed and overdo it.. i more than once overdid it and strained my shoulders.. took over a week for the pain to go away. not fun.. @_@

Mental strength is harder to gain.. some manage to gain them through meditation and yoga.. i can’t do either.. my mind CANNOT shut up.. i blame Tim.. and since i always have this monster in my head, i might as well make full use of him, hey? Afterall, if it weren’t for depression, i probably wouldn’t have came up with Tim, wouldn’t have created my own identity, wouldn’t be where i am today~ and so, i always make sure i have a sketchbook and pen/pencil nearby~ or at least my phone with a sketch app and notepad inside.. i doodle any thoughts and ideas i get.. write when i don’t have the energy to doodle.. and store them in my phone or upload over at my fb page.. over time, i look back.. look at what i’ve come up with.. so far, i think i’m progressing~ lolz!! i’m moving at a snail pace, but at least, i’m still moving~

Frozenfa Reporting i learn to appreciate how far i’ve come.. instead of getting irritation at people taking pix of my posters without asking for permission, i learn to appreciate the fact that my designs are funny enough that people will (rudely) photograph (without asking for permission).. i guess with the advancement of technology, plus increase in stress due to SUPER COMPETITIVE¬†way of life in Singapore, plus Courtesy Lion working ONLY once a year, i guess it’s natural that social etiquette here keeps dropping and dropping.. When a big group of people come and stopped and laughed and joked with each other while looking at the posters but not getting a thing, i thought “Hey, at least my designs can make a whole group people stop.. AND have fun~!” From there, i learn to appreciate people who just came to check out the designs i have.. people who’re on their way, and then suddenly turn back to look or paused to look at my designs.. “my designs.. can make people stop on their tracks!” XD and then, i’d feel even more thankful to those who actually bought a little something~ Some may buy just 1 mini badge.. some bought like a bunch of keychains or badges for colleagues.. then there are some more generous ones who’d buy a bunch of posters for their colleagues.. my heart swelled each time people buy in bulk.. some chose the glass tile necklace for their daughter/girlfriend/friends.. alas, as all my things are printed in small quantities locally.. and/or made by myself, alone.. so i can’t afford to give people much discounts.. =( i don’t have the capital (and space at home) to print in bulk.. nor do i have the money or confidence to pay and teach people to make for me.. ^^”

i look back at what i’ve achieved last year.. hmm.. i think i’ll put that all into another blog.. things that i’ve achieved.. my portfolio etc.. i think i rattle on long enough here.. O_O”

SOLD PRODUCTS from Frozenfa and SilentCries @ Zazzle.com!! =D

WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!! Hope everyone had an awesome X’mas and New Year Celebration!! =D

i just realised i haven’t post any sales update for my Zazzle stores since July 2010!! O_O” eep.. i honestly thought i did do one update last year.. ^^” oh well, here are the sales i’ve made since then!! X)

Thank you Kathlene from Costa Mesa, CA for purchasing (frothie-t) Frothie T-Shirt by frozenfa

(frothie-t) Frothie T-Shirt shirt
(frothie-t) Frothie T-Shirt by frozenfa

Thank you Mason from Tucson, AZ for purchasing (julian-k2) Julian, Rasta Crab Keychain by frozenfa

(julian-k2) Julian, Rasta Crab Keychain keychain
(julian-k2) Julian, Rasta Crab Keychain by frozenfa

Thank you¬†Erin from¬†Naples, FL for purchasing¬†You don’t see me, You won’t see me! Binder¬†by¬†silentcries

You don't see me, You won't see me! Binder binder
You don’t see me, You won’t see me! Binder¬†by¬†silentcries

Thank you Nikki from Miramar, FL for purchasing (tim-b09) I Love Me Button by frozenfa

(tim-b09) I Love Me Button button
(tim-b09) I Love Me Button by frozenfa

Thank you Suzanne from Winooski, VT for purchasing (schm-st01) Schmoo Sticker by frozenfa

(schm-st01) Schmoo Sticker sticker
(schm-st01) Schmoo Sticker by frozenfa

Thank you Nguyen from Grenoble, France for purchasing (cfraz-mg01) Chibi Frazzle Mug by frozenfa

(cfraz-mg01) Chibi Frazzle Mug mug
(cfraz-mg01) Chibi Frazzle Mug by frozenfa

Thank you Christine from Raleigh, NC for purchasing (ken-gc01) Kenny by the Beach Card by frozenfa

(ken-gc01) Kenny by the Beach Card card
(ken-gc01) Kenny by the Beach Card by frozenfa

Thank you Sandra from Mosman, Australia for purchasing Yuriko-chan by frozenfa

Yuriko-chan shirt
Yuriko-chan by frozenfa

Thank you¬†Normand from¬†Hobe Sound, FL for purchasing¬†Lil’ Frazzle Meows~ Poster¬†by¬†frozenfa

Lil' Frazzle Meows~ Poster print
Lil’ Frazzle Meows~ Poster¬†by¬†frozenfa

Thank you Matthew from Orlando, FL for purchasing (tim-mg11) I Love Me Mug by frozenfa

(tim-mg11) I Love Me Mug mug
(tim-mg11) I Love Me Mug by frozenfa

Thank you¬†Ribena from¬†London, United Kingdom for purchasing¬†Dear Pillow… T-Shirt¬†by¬†silentcries

Dear Pillow... T-Shirt shirt
Dear Pillow… T-Shirt¬†by¬†silentcries

Thank you Irene from Waterford, Ireland for purchasing (tim-mg11) I Love Me Mug by frozenfa

(tim-mg11) I Love Me Mug mug
(tim-mg11) I Love Me Mug by frozenfa

Thank you Dennis from Billerica, MA for purchasing (tim-t46) Tim in Red Kids T-Shirt by frozenfa

(tim-t46) Tim in Red Kids T-Shirt shirt
(tim-t46) Tim in Red Kids T-Shirt by frozenfa

Thank you Beth from Yachats, OR for purchasing a customized (tim-sb01) Happily Twisted & Mental Skateboard by frozenfa

(tim-sb01) Happily Twisted & Mental Skateboard skateboard
(tim-sb01) Happily Twisted & Mental Skateboard by frozenfa

Thank you Jodi from Wilton Manors, FL for purchasing (mewr-s1) Love You! Sticker by frozenfa

(mewr-s1) Love You! Sticker sticker
(mewr-s1) Love You! Sticker by frozenfa

Thank you Sandee from Castle Rock, WA for purchasing (mewr-mg03) Love You Mug by frozenfa

(mewr-mg03) Love You Mug mug
(mewr-mg03) Love You Mug by frozenfa

Thank you¬†Daniel from¬†M√ľnster, Germany for purchasing¬†(mewr-s1) Love You! Sticker¬†by¬†frozenfa

(mewr-s1) Love You! Sticker sticker
(mewr-s1) Love You! Sticker by frozenfa

Thank you Sarah from Marquette, MI for purchasing (julian-k2) Julian, Rasta Crab Keychain by frozenfa

(julian-k2) Julian, Rasta Crab Keychain keychain
(julian-k2) Julian, Rasta Crab Keychain by frozenfa

Thank you Sherrie from Richmond, CA for purchasing (schm-t01) Schmoo Kids T-Shirt by frozenfa

(schm-t01) Schmoo Kids T-Shirt shirt
(schm-t01) Schmoo Kids T-Shirt by frozenfa

Thank you Scott from Midland, Australia for purchasing a customized (julian-mg01) Julian РThe Rasta Crab Mug by frozenfa

(julian-mg01) Julian - The Rasta Crab Mug mug
(julian-mg01) Julian РThe Rasta Crab Mug by frozenfa

Thank you Ryan from Manchester, NH for purchasing (cfraz-k03) Chibi Frazzle Meows Keychain by frozenfa

(cfraz-k03) Chibi Frazzle Meows Keychain keychain
(cfraz-k03) Chibi Frazzle Meows Keychain by frozenfa

Thank you Krista from Gurnee, IL for purchasing (frothie-t) Frothie T-Shirt by frozenfa

(frothie-t) Frothie T-Shirt shirt
(frothie-t) Frothie T-Shirt by frozenfa

Thank you Susan from Tecumseh, MI for purchasing (frothie-t) Frothie T-Shirt by frozenfa

(frothie-t) Frothie T-Shirt shirt
(frothie-t) Frothie T-Shirt by frozenfa

Thank you Anthony from Edinburgh, United Kingdom for purchasing Julian Рthe rasta crab by frozenfa

Julian - the rasta crab shirt
Julian Рthe rasta crab by frozenfa

Thank you Peter from Lisburn, United Kingdom, for purchasing (SF-03) Summer Fun T-Shirt by frozenfa

(SF-03) Summer Fun T-Shirt shirt
(SF-03) Summer Fun T-Shirt by frozenfa

Thank you Alexis from Fairbanks, AK for purchasing pc05) Life In The City Postcard by frozenfa

(pc05) Life In The City Postcard postcard
(pc05) Life In The City Postcard by frozenfa

Thank you Sang from Thousand Oaks, CA for purchasing I Love You~ Card by frozenfa

I Love You~ Card card
I Love You~ Card by frozenfa

Thank you Damian from Rockdale, Australia for purchasing (tim-t37) Hello!!! T-Shirt by frozenfa

(tim-t37) Hello!!! T-Shirt shirt
(tim-t37) Hello!!! T-Shirt by frozenfa

Thank you¬†Matthias from¬†G√∂teborg, Sweden for purchasing¬†You won’t see me! Poster¬†by¬†silentcries

You won't see me! Poster print
You won’t see me! Poster¬†by¬†silentcries

Thank you Lynda from Leicester, United Kingdom for purchasing customized (frothie-t) Frothie T-Shirt by frozenfa

(frothie-t) Frothie T-Shirt shirt
(frothie-t) Frothie T-Shirt by frozenfa

Thank you Matthew from Rockville, MD for purchasing (julian-k2) Julian, Rasta Crab Keychain by frozenfa

(julian-k2) Julian, Rasta Crab Keychain keychain
(julian-k2) Julian, Rasta Crab Keychain by frozenfa

Thank you Earlene from Southwest Ranches, FL for purchasing customized (mewr-s1) Love You! Sticker by frozenfa

(mewr-s1) Love You! Sticker sticker
(mewr-s1) Love You! Sticker by frozenfa

Super big THANK YOU to Patti from Tampa, FL for purchasing 25 customized (julian-mp02) Hermit Julian Mousepad by frozenfa

(julian-mp02) Hermit Julian Mousepad mousepad
(julian-mp02) Hermit Julian Mousepad by frozenfa

Thank you Praveen from Kirkland, WA for purchasing (frothie-t) Frothie T-Shirt by frozenfa

(frothie-t) Frothie T-Shirt shirt
(frothie-t) Frothie T-Shirt by frozenfa

Thank you Pourpoint from Verneuil Sur Seine, France for purchasing customized (cfraz-b02) Chibi Frazzle Button by frozenfa

(cfraz-b02) Chibi Frazzle Button button
(cfraz-b02) Chibi Frazzle Button by frozenfa

Thank you Christopher from Pembroke, United Kingdom for purchasing (tim-gc05) Missing You~ Card by frozenfa

(tim-gc05) Missing You~ Card card
(tim-gc05) Missing You~ Card by frozenfa

Thank you Ng from Footscray, Australia for purchasing customized I Love You~ Card by frozenfa

I Love You~ Card card
I Love You~ Card by frozenfa

Thank you Elizabeth from Rye, NY for purchasing a pair of (ken-gc01) Kenny by the Beach Card by frozenfa

(ken-gc01) Kenny by the Beach Card card
(ken-gc01) Kenny by the Beach Card by frozenfa

Thank you Monique from Stamford, CT for purchasing Julian Рthe rasta crab by frozenfa

Julian - the rasta crab shirt
Julian Рthe rasta crab by frozenfa

Thank you Carol from London, United Kingdom for purchasing Julian Рthe rasta crab by frozenfa

Julian - the rasta crab shirt
Julian Рthe rasta crab by frozenfa

Thank you Reima from Swansea, United Kingdom for purchasing (cfraz-t01) Chibi Frazzle T-Shirt by frozenfa

(cfraz-t01) Chibi Frazzle T-Shirt shirt
(cfraz-t01) Chibi Frazzle T-Shirt by frozenfa

Thank you Linda from Ann Arbor, MI for purchasing No Discount?! Button by frozenfa

No Discount?! Button button
No Discount?! Button by frozenfa

Thank you Debbie from Moorpark, CA for purchasing With Love Р(Emily) Sticker by frozenfa

With Love - (Emily) Sticker sticker
With Love Р(Emily) Sticker by frozenfa

Thank you Kimberly from Killingworth, CT for purchasing a customized Holy Cow! Avery Binder by frozenfa

Holy Cow! Avery Binder binder
Holy Cow! Avery Binder by frozenfa

Thank you¬†Clive from¬†Cwmbran, United Kingdom for purchasing¬†You don’t see me~ T-Shirt¬†by¬†silentcries

You don't see me~ T-Shirt shirt
You don’t see me~ T-Shirt¬†by¬†silentcries

Thank You So Much to¬†Jessica from¬†Van Nuys, CA for purchasing…

5 customized (tim-t40) ARGH!!! T-Shirt by frozenfa

(tim-t40) ARGH!!! T-Shirt shirt

3 customized (tim-t40) ARGH!!! T-Shirt by frozenfa

(tim-t40) ARGH!!! T-Shirt shirt

a customized (tim-t40) ARGH!!! T-Shirt by frozenfa

(tim-t40) ARGH!!! T-Shirt shirt

a customized (tim-t40) ARGH!!! T-Shirt by frozenfa

(tim-t40) ARGH!!! T-Shirt shirt

Thank you Jörg from Sontra, Germany for purchasing customized I Love You~ Card by frozenfa

I Love You~ Card card
I Love You~ Card by frozenfa

Thank you Eileen from Honolulu, HI for purchasing customized (mewr-stp01) You Are Invited Stamps by frozenfa

(mewr-stp01) You Are Invited Stamps stamp
(mewr-stp01) You Are Invited Stamps by frozenfa

Thank you Gatellier from Gien, France for purchasing (schm-b01) Schmoo Button by frozenfa

(schm-b01) Schmoo Button button
(schm-b01) Schmoo Button by frozenfa

Thank you Emese from Bainbridge, NY for purchasing Support Bacteria! Bumper Sticker by frozenfa

Support Bacteria! Bumper Sticker bumpersticker
Support Bacteria! Bumper Sticker by frozenfa

Thank you Mabel from Jackson Heights, NY for purchasing (tim-b13) Love You~ Button by frozenfa

(tim-b13) Love You~ Button button
(tim-b13) Love You~ Button by frozenfa

Thank you¬†Jason from Pemberton, NJ¬†for purchasing¬†In You Have No Patience… iPhone 4 Case¬†by¬†silentcries

In You Have No Patience... iPhone 4 Case speckcase
In You Have No Patience… iPhone 4 Case¬†by¬†silentcries

Thank you Shannon from Stockton On Tees, United Kingdom for purchasing customized I Love You~ Card by frozenfa

I Love You~ Card card
I Love You~ Card by frozenfa

Thank you Isabella from Eastbourne, United Kingdom for purchasing customized I Love You~ Card by frozenfa

I Love You~ Card card
I Love You~ Card by frozenfa

Thank you Lisa from Spring, TX purchasing Julian Рthe rasta crab by frozenfa

Julian - the rasta crab shirt
Julian Рthe rasta crab by frozenfa

Thank you¬†Yiliang from¬†Rochester, NY for purchasing Customizable Couple’s iPhone 4 Case (His)¬†by¬†frozenfa¬†and¬†Customizable Couple’s iPhone 4 Case (Hers)¬†by¬†frozenfa

Customizable Couple's iPhone 4 Case (His) speckcase
Customizable Couple’s iPhone 4 Case (His)¬†by¬†frozenfa

Customizable Couple's iPhone 4 Case (Hers) speckcase
Customizable Couple’s iPhone 4 Case (Hers)¬†by¬†frozenfa

Thank you Andreas from Wangen, Switzerland for purchasing customized Julian Рthe rasta crab by frozenfa

Julian - the rasta crab shirt
Julian Рthe rasta crab by frozenfa

Thank you Melissa from Sierra Vista, AZ for purchasing (tim-b10) Hug? Button by frozenfa

(tim-b10) Hug? Button button
(tim-b10) Hug? Button by frozenfa

Thank you Nhien from San Diego, CA for purchasing Wear Your Feelings! РShirt by frozenfa

Wear Your Feelings! - Shirt shirt
Wear Your Feelings! РShirt by frozenfa

Thank you Molly from San Diego, CA for purchasing I Love You~ Card by frozenfa

I Love You~ Card card
I Love You~ Card by frozenfa

Thank you Emma from Perth, Australia for purchasing I Love You~ Card by frozenfa

I Love You~ Card card
I Love You~ Card by frozenfa

Thank you Dana from Franklin, IN for purchasing customized (julian-k2) Julian, Rasta Crab Keychain by frozenfa

(julian-k2) Julian, Rasta Crab Keychain keychain
(julian-k2) Julian, Rasta Crab Keychain by frozenfa

Thank you so so SO MUCH to everyone who have visited and purchased from Frozenfa and SilentCries Store over at Zazzle!!! I’m so proud to announce that to date, there has been¬†98342 visits at¬†Frozenfa¬†and¬†10614 visits at SilentCries!!! i think¬†Frozenfa¬†also got listed in the homepage as Featured Seller twice so far.. i’m truly touched.. This year will be my fourth year over at Zazzle.com!

Thank you so much to Zazzle.com for the opportunities to¬†¬†sell my designs on your super cool range of products and also for awarding me with a¬†Basic ProSeller badge! Awww… X) wish i can hug you guys… ^^”

I’ll work hard this year to upload my latest designs into different products and create even more designs!! Thank you so much, once again, to all my supporters!!!!

A Book Signing Session & unARThodox : The Art of D.Lauchengco

With the release of D.Lauchengco & Iyta’s book ‘The Boy Who Hated The Sun’ & ‘The Girl Who Loved The Sun’…They are having a book signing session & a mini exhibition…’unARThodox’ : The Art of D.Lauchengco

Other event highlights would be an informal talk/meet-n-greet session by D.Lauchengco & wife Iyta on the process and message behind their first Children’s Book collaboration and D.Lauchengco’s Original Illustrations which would be open to Q & A’s and F0R SALE to friends,fans & the general public alike….so please mark your calendars and join them @ Straits Records.

Date & Time :
25th June (Sat) 4pm – 10pm
26th June (Sun) 1pm – 8pm

Location:
Straits Records
24 Bali Lane,Singapore 189860

Transferring of SilentCries to Frozenfa’s portfolio on RedBubble

Hehe.. it’s been awhile but i’ve finally earned more than $25 from my SilentCries account on RedBubble.. and since RB now supports categorising of portfolio works, i’ll be transferring my designs here over to my Frozenfa account once i have the time that is… eheh.. i’ve been busy with the physical stall that i have now in Singapore.. Since everything is handmade, that cuts down a big chunk of my time spent online..I’d like to say a big big thank you to all the buyers and mystery buyers of my SilentCries designs.. thanks to you guys, i’ve sold the following designs so far on RB..

PS: i’m using photos from my zazzle silentcries store since i’ve pulled all the designs down from RB..

3 pieces of Dear Pillow tshirt

3 pieces of Do I Mean Nothing To You tshirt

1 piece of Hold Me… tshirt

1 piece of Dear Pillow card

1 piece of Hold Me… card

2 pieces of You Can’t See Me… You Won’t See Me! stickers

1 piece of Anguish sticker

Happy New Year!!

Hi Everyone!! It’s been so so long~ Hope you guys have had a wonderful 2009! mine was eventful~ There were ups and downs.. from meeting lovely people, to meeting idiotic people, to meeting barbarians, to getting a kind and wonderful private student.. It’s been surreal.. One year.. Frozenfa physical stall has passed it’s one year anniversary.. =)

Instead of talking about my stall experience, i shall first do this questionnaire by Karin in response to her latest new blog: http://karintaylorjustdrawing.blogspot.com

1. Why do you love drawing?

12-20 yrs old: eheh.. truth be told, i’ve always hated art when i was young.. i was too lazy.. until i was 12 that is~ i had to draw 3 birds from the same family, so naturally i chose 3 birds of prey.. and for the first time, i learn to copy drawing from those birds encyclopedia book.. for some reason, i just had to follow as close to the illustration as possible, each bird filling up the space of an A3 paper when the illustration was only 3-5cm big.. hehe.. the 3 drawings took me 2 weeks i think (a few hours each day).. but it’s all so worth it when my teacher actually brought the piece to the front of the class and praised me! ^^” i was soo errr.. happy..? and it’s a weird feeling.. cos my teachers normally get sick of me not doing my art homework.. hehe.. that little gesture by her, Miss Lee, was the start of my love for drawing.. ^^”

i love drawing when i was in school cos my teacher/lecturer likes them.. ^^” i don’t get praises often, so when i get them in school, i feel happy~ ^^” it’s very encouraging when the teacher/lecturer likes my drawings or digital collage etc and reward me with good results.. i felt especially and secretly proud and delighted when they’d hang my work on display or even when i get the little “good” “well done” praises beside my marks.. hehe.. ^^”

Now? Read below to find out why i love drawing now~ ūüėČ

2. Has drawing helped to relieve symptoms of anxiety, depression, stress or illness?

I love to draw now because it helps me take the visions out of my mind’s eye.. sorta.. when i was deep in depression (2005 onwards), i tend to get a lot of visions in my mind’s eye.. especially when i close my eyes.. some painful, some ugly, many gorey.. i don’t like them.. they’re like haunting me.. some are scary.. so rather than spend the night not being able to sleep with all this ugly visions, i stayed up instead to sketch them out.. they are after all, from within me.. instead of keeping all the ugliness in me, i decide to draw them out instead.. doodle.. i don’t draw well.. especially when i simply drew in the dark with hardly any light.. i can hardly see what i’m drawing.. i just move my fingers and wrists, just moving according to what’s in my mind.. i don’t see perfect clear 10mp pictures in my eyes, no.. lolz!! it’s just like.. i don’t know how to describe them.. they’re like there but not there, they annoy me, so i drew them out. ^^”

When i was no longer lost and confused (side effect of my med), i still love to draw~ =) it helps me express myself.. my feelings.. TIM was borned.. i think it’s no suprised that my first time is that of him screaming STFU.. hehe..^^” i used him to express myself – what i wanna say in response to my thoughts and feelings with regard to my environment, the people around me, and my feelings and thoughts in response to them..

When i’m drawing, i’m almost.. errr.. totally into it? hehe.. it’s like.. i think i might frown even.. concentrating i guess? in fact, i was once sooooo into completing a drawing that i end up with CTS (carpal tunnel syndrome), a repetitive strain injury. i just got sooo into the piece.. wanting to go into the as much details as i can.. spending too many long hours on it.. i end up triggering a what i think is going to be a life long pain.. cos although i’m officially discharged from the hospital, i still suffer pains and aches when i overwork a little.. so yea, DRAW WITH CARE!!! ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE DRAWING ON THE COMPUTEER!!!!! RSI IS SCARY!! in fact, it’s one of the factor that lead to my depression.. -_-”

ANYWAY!! i hate to be disturbed when i’m drawing.. it’s either i finish a drawing the moment i start it, or it’ll never be finished.. ^^” not all drawings makes me happy though.. i get disappointed by some – drawings that didn’t portray what i saw in my mind’s eye or my feelings.. but i love some and they are the ones i’d bring out to share online~ =)

oh yea, i still see things in my mind.. they’re much better than when i was in deep depression though.. they’re what one might call inspiration or ideas i guess? sometimes i’d see Tim doing silly things, things that i wanna do but wouldn’t do.. hehe.. sometimes i’d see more solemn or sad things.. like a someone hugging herself, hoping to be loved or someone looking up to the sky missing someone.. or a child by the bin, in the alley and it’s raining.. hugging himself.. So yea.. i see all these and more in my mind, but haven’t been able to draw them out since i’ve been busy with my stall.. so i’m looking forward to getting back to drawing this year, yep! X)

oh oh!! these visions also come more easily when i’m listening to songs i like! i like a wide variety of genre.. hiphop, pop, jpop, kpop, rock, oldies, several diff metal genres.. They’d give me different feelings and thoughts and thus different mind visions.. =D

3. Where is your favourite drawing place?

Honestly? no specific place really.. lolz!! i love to draw while i’m lying down in the living room on rainy days when it’s nice and dark out and cool at home and my favorite tree in front my apartment is nice and drenched.. i love to sketch in the dark with very minimal light when i was in deep depression. here are some of those i drew under minimal light, some time in 2001 i think~

oh i forgot to mention.. i CAN’T DRAW WHEN IT’S BRIGHT!!! LOL~ XD

i also love to sketch while waiting for friends at the coffeeshop or while waiting for my turn at the SUPER SLOW local polyclinic.. hehe.. the environment tend to give me inspirations, especially for my TIM series~ lolz!!! XD

but back when i was in late teens (17-19 yrs old), i love to draw while i was on the bus, on my way to school.. it beats falling asleep and waking up gorgy.. hehe.. i love it when i’m alone on the seat.. no noise.. just me and my discman.. hehehe~ and to see the trees and sky along the way.. sketching distracts me and helps me calm down from the crap i often get from home. here are some of them..

Hell! when i was working (in a company), i’d even sketch during meetings!!! lolz!! i bet some of you out there do that too! XD sometimes the boss(es) just bore me with the same old shit talk and i’d just doodle draw instead of taking notes.. the bosses later made me sooooOOOO stressed and pissed, i even came up with 2 drawings i love, but haven’t been able to digitise them yet..

So there you go!!! i think i might have bore some of you to death.. hehe~ XD Thanks for reading my blog once again! am so happy to be back in the www~ looking forward to blogging about my experiences with my physical store~ will work on that once i’m done with this one keychains order i need to rush out~ Till then, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!! =D