Happy New Year!!

Hi Everyone!! It’s been so so long~ Hope you guys have had a wonderful 2009! mine was eventful~ There were ups and downs.. from meeting lovely people, to meeting idiotic people, to meeting barbarians, to getting a kind and wonderful private student.. It’s been surreal.. One year.. Frozenfa physical stall has passed it’s one year anniversary.. =)

Instead of talking about my stall experience, i shall first do this questionnaire by Karin in response to her latest new blog: http://karintaylorjustdrawing.blogspot.com

1. Why do you love drawing?

12-20 yrs old: eheh.. truth be told, i’ve always hated art when i was young.. i was too lazy.. until i was 12 that is~ i had to draw 3 birds from the same family, so naturally i chose 3 birds of prey.. and for the first time, i learn to copy drawing from those birds encyclopedia book.. for some reason, i just had to follow as close to the illustration as possible, each bird filling up the space of an A3 paper when the illustration was only 3-5cm big.. hehe.. the 3 drawings took me 2 weeks i think (a few hours each day).. but it’s all so worth it when my teacher actually brought the piece to the front of the class and praised me! ^^” i was soo errr.. happy..? and it’s a weird feeling.. cos my teachers normally get sick of me not doing my art homework.. hehe.. that little gesture by her, Miss Lee, was the start of my love for drawing.. ^^”

i love drawing when i was in school cos my teacher/lecturer likes them.. ^^” i don’t get praises often, so when i get them in school, i feel happy~ ^^” it’s very encouraging when the teacher/lecturer likes my drawings or digital collage etc and reward me with good results.. i felt especially and secretly proud and delighted when they’d hang my work on display or even when i get the little “good” “well done” praises beside my marks.. hehe.. ^^”

Now? Read below to find out why i love drawing now~ 😉

2. Has drawing helped to relieve symptoms of anxiety, depression, stress or illness?

I love to draw now because it helps me take the visions out of my mind’s eye.. sorta.. when i was deep in depression (2005 onwards), i tend to get a lot of visions in my mind’s eye.. especially when i close my eyes.. some painful, some ugly, many gorey.. i don’t like them.. they’re like haunting me.. some are scary.. so rather than spend the night not being able to sleep with all this ugly visions, i stayed up instead to sketch them out.. they are after all, from within me.. instead of keeping all the ugliness in me, i decide to draw them out instead.. doodle.. i don’t draw well.. especially when i simply drew in the dark with hardly any light.. i can hardly see what i’m drawing.. i just move my fingers and wrists, just moving according to what’s in my mind.. i don’t see perfect clear 10mp pictures in my eyes, no.. lolz!! it’s just like.. i don’t know how to describe them.. they’re like there but not there, they annoy me, so i drew them out. ^^”

When i was no longer lost and confused (side effect of my med), i still love to draw~ =) it helps me express myself.. my feelings.. TIM was borned.. i think it’s no suprised that my first time is that of him screaming STFU.. hehe..^^” i used him to express myself – what i wanna say in response to my thoughts and feelings with regard to my environment, the people around me, and my feelings and thoughts in response to them..

When i’m drawing, i’m almost.. errr.. totally into it? hehe.. it’s like.. i think i might frown even.. concentrating i guess? in fact, i was once sooooo into completing a drawing that i end up with CTS (carpal tunnel syndrome), a repetitive strain injury. i just got sooo into the piece.. wanting to go into the as much details as i can.. spending too many long hours on it.. i end up triggering a what i think is going to be a life long pain.. cos although i’m officially discharged from the hospital, i still suffer pains and aches when i overwork a little.. so yea, DRAW WITH CARE!!! ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE DRAWING ON THE COMPUTEER!!!!! RSI IS SCARY!! in fact, it’s one of the factor that lead to my depression.. -_-”

ANYWAY!! i hate to be disturbed when i’m drawing.. it’s either i finish a drawing the moment i start it, or it’ll never be finished.. ^^” not all drawings makes me happy though.. i get disappointed by some – drawings that didn’t portray what i saw in my mind’s eye or my feelings.. but i love some and they are the ones i’d bring out to share online~ =)

oh yea, i still see things in my mind.. they’re much better than when i was in deep depression though.. they’re what one might call inspiration or ideas i guess? sometimes i’d see Tim doing silly things, things that i wanna do but wouldn’t do.. hehe.. sometimes i’d see more solemn or sad things.. like a someone hugging herself, hoping to be loved or someone looking up to the sky missing someone.. or a child by the bin, in the alley and it’s raining.. hugging himself.. So yea.. i see all these and more in my mind, but haven’t been able to draw them out since i’ve been busy with my stall.. so i’m looking forward to getting back to drawing this year, yep! X)

oh oh!! these visions also come more easily when i’m listening to songs i like! i like a wide variety of genre.. hiphop, pop, jpop, kpop, rock, oldies, several diff metal genres.. They’d give me different feelings and thoughts and thus different mind visions.. =D

3. Where is your favourite drawing place?

Honestly? no specific place really.. lolz!! i love to draw while i’m lying down in the living room on rainy days when it’s nice and dark out and cool at home and my favorite tree in front my apartment is nice and drenched.. i love to sketch in the dark with very minimal light when i was in deep depression. here are some of those i drew under minimal light, some time in 2001 i think~

oh i forgot to mention.. i CAN’T DRAW WHEN IT’S BRIGHT!!! LOL~ XD

i also love to sketch while waiting for friends at the coffeeshop or while waiting for my turn at the SUPER SLOW local polyclinic.. hehe.. the environment tend to give me inspirations, especially for my TIM series~ lolz!!! XD

but back when i was in late teens (17-19 yrs old), i love to draw while i was on the bus, on my way to school.. it beats falling asleep and waking up gorgy.. hehe.. i love it when i’m alone on the seat.. no noise.. just me and my discman.. hehehe~ and to see the trees and sky along the way.. sketching distracts me and helps me calm down from the crap i often get from home. here are some of them..

Hell! when i was working (in a company), i’d even sketch during meetings!!! lolz!! i bet some of you out there do that too! XD sometimes the boss(es) just bore me with the same old shit talk and i’d just doodle draw instead of taking notes.. the bosses later made me sooooOOOO stressed and pissed, i even came up with 2 drawings i love, but haven’t been able to digitise them yet..

So there you go!!! i think i might have bore some of you to death.. hehe~ XD Thanks for reading my blog once again! am so happy to be back in the www~ looking forward to blogging about my experiences with my physical store~ will work on that once i’m done with this one keychains order i need to rush out~ Till then, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!! =D


It’s World Mental Health Day!

It’s World Mental Health Day!!

No no.. am not suggesting some celebration or something.. though i do wish that more people will understand about mental health, and hopefully dampen the annoying stigma the society tend to paste on us.

Basically i just managed to join Voices of the Dark and the Deep group as an admin. the main reason is because i was hoping to get a place for some of us to gather and share our experiences and help each other. due to time constraints, the forum’s not really well formatted and categorised yet.. but the first section i made is certainly for there to stay (i hope)!

Tips & Advices From The Experienced Section
i realized from Karin’s journal to help me, Clinical Depression & Silent Cries that many of us here actually do suffer from some form of depression or bad health or mental health problems..

What are some of the different Mental Health Problems?
Check out the list on the left hand side of this website or this page for those who have no idea what genre are those under (there’s that many different form and names).

i think some of us who have a form or another of mental illness will agree with me that the public need to be seriously educated that there are actually many form of mental illness eh? Well, we may not be able to educate everyone, but we can try by slowly educating the one closer to us.

Easier said than done.
is that what you’re thinking? hehe.. yesh, i read minds…
i agree. it’s seriously easier said than done. i know because i’ve been trying to educate 1 lady for the past 4yrs, and till now, i still fail. but hey!! does that mean i should stop trying? if it’s for my own good, why should i stop? it’s frustrating, yes. i agree. but it’s really important we try to educate those close to us ie. friends and especially family because they’re there to stay and (hopefully) support us someday.

Anyway, back to the point… the Tips & Advices From The Experienced Section is create with the idea of us sharing some tips and advices we might have, be it from personal experience, or from the experience of someone we love.

But it is in no way a professional advice section. So ultimately, if you or someone you know, if having a medical problem that might be related to mental health, please please do seek proper professional medical help. Visit your GP, or the hospital. Seek help. It’s nothing abnormal. How can it be with millions around the world suffering from it. Seek treatment. Work towards recovery. Be strong. And screw the stigma society paste on our medications, aka “Happy Pills”.

The ignorant masses will call it Happy Pills.
Many in general tend to think that it’s bad to depend on medication. “You’re get addicted.” “Why are you taking Drugs?!” “Are you nuts!?” and yadda yadda yadda..

Basically most of us know the general public believes that it’s bad to get addicted to our “Happy Pills”. But my advice is please please,

  1. stick to your medications as prescribed by doctor
  2. don’t bother taking extra (i’ve tried, it doesn’t work that way)
  3. don’t try to wean off it without consulting your doctor first (i’ve tried it and it backfire and even worsen my condition)
  4. don’t believe the public stigma about being addicted or dependent on the medicine.

Why the last statement? Because i feel the public lack 1 understanding about mental illness and how our medicine works. They are not professionals.

Yes, our medicine will not help solve the problem. that’s a silly notion to believe. BUT, the correct belief we should have is, our medicine is there to help us. Yes, it doesn’t help solve the problem. medicine is there to help us internally, where we can’t control, eg, the chemicals in our brain or the hormones our body releases as time passes. (am not refering to teen raging hormones, but rather some illnesses DO happen due to our body changes, releasing of some hormones that may lead to things like weight gain or hair loss that can lead to depression).

So yea. The medicines prescribed by doctors are supposed to help us internally. IF at any point it seems like it’s not helping or your problem is getting worst, return to your doctor and tell him that it’s not helping or it’s getting worst. tell him how is it worst (in detail). if there is no improvement or changes in a few months, seek a second doctor’s opinion.

Now, while our medicine are there to help us, we ourselves mustn’t believe in the public stigma that our medicine is a Happy Pill. No, it isn’t. It’s there to help us internally. That’s all.

Ultimately, we ourselves must work hard to solve the root of our problems.
We ourselves must work hard to improve and stay healthy.
We ourselves must find solutions to help us deal with our situations and problems.

We must work towards our own happiness, not depend on just medication.

Don’t ever stop seeking help. Take care of yourself. Love yourself.

May we all feel and get better by the next WMHD..

Take care. Be Strong. Be Healthy.

Love and hugs,

Check out Karin’s journal here!! Help spread the word and promote awareness!! =D