It’s Depression Awareness Week~

I’ve been feeling kinda crappy the last few days.. A few problems came up and there’s so much to do.. I’m still annoyed by how limited I am with using wordpress.com for a portfolio website.. I think I might need to spend some money on my portfolio site.. sigh.. There’s still the reminder letter asking me to renew Frozenfa license.. I still wonder if I should keep renewing.. Frozenfa is like my baby, I can’t bear to give up on her..

So I was kinda surprised to find out just an hour ago that it’s Depression Awareness Week~ Read some articles from TheMighty.com and Blurt.. it got me thinking about how just last “night” I was staying up to listen to a friend’s problem.. when I end up being the one who got emotional, but hey, by the time i was listening to my friend it’s already 6.30am, I’m exhausted from working on my portfolio.. but somehow I end up writing about things I’ve always felt, but never mentioned out loud.. It was emotionally exhausting, and 1hr later i went to bed more emotionally exhausted than physically exhausted.. and even after a 7hr of on/off sleep, I still end up feeling exhausted most of today.

Now this really suck. There’s so many shit to do and the last thing I want is to be slowed down.. I’ve been encouraging some of my friends who’ve been feeling down.. and then now when I’m down.. I don’t even know who to help cheer me up~ XD Shit thing about surviving multiple breakdowns and receiving almost no help to get back up is that each time shit happens, you don’t know who to get help from. Sure, there have been several friends who’ve kindly offered to listen to me.. But I guess I’m done and tired of trying to tell people my problems, and even more tired of hoping to get some “understanding”~

I created Frozenfa to help me express.. and hopefully help others who can relate to my drawings express themselves too.. but it’s kind of sad how I seem to have lost inspiration to draw more as I see more and more of my friends artworks being stolen and sold as cheap made in china or made in Thailand products.. My friends.. those artists.. they’ve worked so hard to produce their art. to earn a living from it. And yet businesses in Bugis and Somerset and I don’t wanna know where else in Singapore, are selling those stolen designs on tote bags, leather purses and all like it’s nothing! People in the business scene can be so ugly, I lost all mood to make new drawings. I’ve even lost mood to open a pushcart again.

Sure, some may say “it’s not like your artwork is the one getting stolen”~ Easy for them to say so~ For years, ever since I started collaborating with Karin, every few months I’d have a nightmare seeing mine and Karin’s work being sold at cheap prices in shops. Imagine how traumatic is it for me to actually see my own nightmares 1 by 1 turning into reality? I saw Ellen’s works stolen, Toru Sanogawa’s works stolen, and now I saw sweet Karin’s artworks stolen!! The shittiest part is all these businesses CAN and WILL continue to sell stolen designs because not everyone can afford to hire lawyers internationally to start a lawsuit! It’s disgusting!! So much bullshit about IP rights and all, but in the end, unless you can afford a goddamn lawyer, you can’t get these thieves to stop selling your artworks. At most you can ask them to please take it down. They’d take it down for awhile.. and then they’d put it right back up~ I know because that’s what the pushcart at Bugis Junction did! How is a housewife supposed to afford hiring lawyers in multiple countries??? Who can afford that kind of money?! We’re not some superstars. We’re just artists trying to earn what little we can!

In a way I’m glad I never agreed to accept one customer’s offer for some partnership rights. She wanted to partner with me, saying that with her contacts, she can get products featuring TIM in bookshops like Popular etc~ But she kept insisting about how it’s cheaper to print and produce in Thailand, and even cheaper still if done in china. -_- And all the while she produced zero paperwork to show me what is her actual proposed plans. A few meetings was held but everything’s just verbal. And she expects me to agree? When she kept thinking of mass production in Thailand/china? My friends are not even printing anything in those countries and already their artwork is stolen and mass produced from there! Karin once bought me a tshirt from the local art market as a birthday gift, and that lady who wanted to partner with me even commented on how her friend bought the same design I was wearing at Thailand for less than 1/3 the price Karin paid for my prezzie! And we bought it from the original artist’s stall! There they are trying to earn a living in their home country, and in Thailand people are buying the same designs for less than 1/3 the original price and are damn smug about it!

So far I’ve only managed to photograph 1 of the pushcart at Bugis Junction as part of evidence. I’ll confirm with Karin for permission first before sharing the shop’s name with everyone. I sincerely hope then, that people will support by not buying their products. Original artists gets nothing from stolen artworks, damn it. How will you like it if you finished your job and someone else submits it to your boss and gets your salary instead?

Some said it’s silly of me to let go of such opportunities.. But Frozenfa is my life.. T.I.M. is basically me. I don’t want people stealing him. Which is probably why I’ve stopped uploading new designs online, though I have a whole bunch scanned etc.. He’s a monster. But he’s my monster. If I can feel so pissed and upset looking at all my beloved friends’ artworks stolen, I can’t imagine how I’d feel if Tim gets stolen as well~

I think I’ve been ranting far too much.. If you’re still reading this, thank you for hearing me out.. ^^” Sorry about the long ranting.. just need to get some frustration out somewhere.. and since it happens to be Depression Awareness Week, I think no better time to do some much needed venting hey? ^^” I better logoff and head to sleep.. Gotta company mum to polyclinic to get dental referral in… shoot.. 4hrs time.. argh! need to get new inhaler and prednisolone too since there’s been so much burning every day this Hungry Ghost Month and darn neighbor next door won’t quit smoking at our shared corridor.. >_<

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